Poetic dreaming
by Nin.fanfic
Summary: Lexa has gone on a trip to Polis right after the war so when Clarke wakes with a scream and a body that shakes she does not know who to turn to.


The first night it happened Clarke woke with a scream. Sitting up in bed she felt goose bumps erupting all over her body and droplets of sweat ran down her back.

"What was that", she asked the empty room. Clarke had never experienced anything like it, neither down on Earth nor up on the Ark. She could remember going to bed around midnight, feeling a tad frustrated so she figured sleep would be late in coming. She remembered lying still in bed drawing pictures inside her head. And then…

Clarke flung the covers off her and quickly rose, not wanting to remember the way her body had suddenly started vibrating, slowly at first, and the pictures she was drawing was actually moving, becoming spirals that were flowing on her eyelids, and the loud, yet not uncomfortable sounds of waves in her head.

Deciding that a walk was in order to clear her head and her shivering body, Clarke quickly dressed and walked out into the approaching pre-dawn light.

A flow of questions ran around her head, one worse than the other.

Am I going crazy? Is my body sick somehow? Have I gotten an illness I have never heard nor read of? Maybe I am going crazy, I feel fine besides… she stopped her thoughts right there. No, I am not going to think about it! I don't want to, maybe that's my problem these days, I think too much.

Remembering back to a time that was decidedly busier than the one she was in now. Scarier yes, but at the time she had no time to think, to imagine, to worry about cute commanders or vibrating bodies, she just had to react in order to save her people from Mount Weather. And they had. Against all odds, against the legion of soldiers inside, her small assortment of tag-along friends, few who could actually fight, and Lexa´s whole assembled army, they had stormed the place. The fighting had been bad, Clarke remembered getting a knife jammed into her left bicep and she touched the scar she now bore. A faceless soldier who was quickly after disposed of by a snarling Lexa and her fierce sword. Lexa staying by her side through the whole fight. Her first kill, not counting Finn. And she never thought of it that was, not anymore. After many a nights discussion with Lexa and a few with Octavia, Clarke understood that what she had done that fateful night was a merciful thing, much better than the death he would have suffered at the hands of the TreeKru. And so she had found forgiveness inside herself.

But her first kill, that would stay with her. She remembered her short sword slicing an arm that held a gun pointed at Lincoln. And a feeling came over her, a voice almost, telling her to look behind. Time slowed, she would swear it on a stack of bibles. She turned and saw Lexa going up against three enemies, all of whom had guns and all Lexa had was her sword dripping with blood. She remembered the blood running down her face, mixing with her war paint. Making her look like a demon from hell, her face set in a permanent snarl, her body moving gracefully and purposefully, her mind set on killing as many soldiers as possible.

But against people armed with guns? What had they been thinking? Clarke had tried to make Lexa understand that they should equip their army with guns. Lexa however had made that conversation die a quick death. Saying that her warriors had never fought with guns and training them to do so two days before their biggest fight was both stupid and useless. That was not what had swayed Clarke though. When the Commander of the largest army this place had seen in over 90 years had said the words, that was when Clarke realized that she was in love with her. Foolishly and deeply in love.

"Clarke, you must understand our traditions. It is not that I do not see that your guns are efficient and offer a quicker death, I do. But the backbone of my people is honor. Honor in life, in death, in fighting. The use of swords in a fight to the death is fair and noble. The warrior who needs to win will win. Because they have trained for it, not because they have weapons that kill from a distance. The warriors both face equal danger, and that is honor. You cannot demand we change this mindset in the few hours or days we have left, and even had we had more time, I would not have my people nor our ways change," Lexa was proud of this, Clarke saw that. Proud of her people and of their traditions. Her face was as if set in stone, Clarke could have drawn her picture even now, weeks later, it was so clear. Nostrils flared, jaw set, eyes blazing with commitment, body trembling with energy. Her war paint on making her seem bigger than life and older than her young years. Sword strapped on her back.

"And that was when I fell for her, I think. I was balancing on top of the cliff before then, trying not to fall." She let out a laugh at her thoughts. Trying not to jump was more accurate.

They had always skirted around their obvious attraction to each other, each with their own reasons for it. But working so closely together, sharing a tent some nights, fighting a huge gorilla together, stuff like that tended to blur lines, and when the lines were pretty unclear from before, well… No wonder it had happened the way it did. And a wonder it had not happened before then.

Remembering their fight and the way she simultaneously wanted to hit and kiss Lexa had confused her so before doing something stupid Clarke had left the tent to clear her head. Licking her own lips whilst thinking about Lexas, the way her lips was practically begging her to kiss them.

And when she was summoned back a little while later, Clarke almost said no. The word was so clear in her head, she wanted to tell the man to fuck off, to tell Lexa to fuck off. But her body betrayed her and before she was consciously aware of what was going on her body was already walking back. Traitor, she angrily told her self.

What had transpired when they started talking seemed destined. Try as she might to deny it, to tell herself that she didn´t want this, she was powerless to stop it. Lexa and her body language had told her what was coming long before their lips had touched. She was still shocked that it happened, she could have sworn that she would have to be the one to initiate their first kiss, not the stoic warrior standing there so proudly. But when Lexa had touched her face and she leaned closer and closer, Clarke quickly followed. Having thought about kissing the commander more than a few times had still not prepared her for the softness of the lips, the slow kissing, the way Lexa was almost asking for permission. It was more than she had pictured, so much more! It was sweet, touching, not demanding, and she had to touch, to feel the woman kissing her so she lifted her arms and held her softly lest she scared her away. The feel of Lexa´s palm on her face was so warm and feather light. Clarke could feel her heart beat faster, could feel her lips tingling and tasting the delicious lips of the woman who had haunted her dreams and waking moments for what seemed ages now.

But when Lexa withdrew she panicked. Not now, not yet, this is too soon. We have a war to win, I cannot be thinking about this now.

Their eyes communicated more than their words and she was left with a feeling that Lexa understood her and agreed. This could wait, they would have their time when the war was over, when the wounded was cared for and they could stop and think for a minute about something other than the war. About them, about where this would go. Because Clarke wanted this to work, Clarke wanted Lexa to be with her.

So when she stood inside the mountain and saw the three men descending upon **her** Lexa, her mind sneered, the first thought was: I can´t lose her!

It felt as if her body was fighting against some unseen force, she couldn't move quickly enough. One soldier was gutted by Lexa, the other one reloading his gun and the third had his pointed directly at her head. Her beautiful, unmarred head.

Not. Going. To. Happen.

Clarke moved. She could feel her arm moving upwards, the sword demanding to be used, could feel the air shifting as her body steeled itself for an unknown impact. The sounds of fighting around her disappeared and all Clarke focused upon was to get that son of a bitch and his gun away, any means necessary. Her eyes locked with Lexa suddenly. She saw the widening of her eyes, could hear her voice yelling out the NO that was being screamed inside her own head. A thousand words being communicated between them in that short space, words they would have time to say when this was over, Clarke demanded of all the Gods and Goddesses she had no reason to believe in and yet insisting of them that dammit, Lexa will make it through this, she will survive!

Her sword arm descended downwards, directly in line with where she knew the heart would be, and thrusting hard she felt the sword enter his back, could imagine the tip of it bursting his beating heart, and she threw her body against his to top him over and to remove the threat to someone who had become so dear to her, someone she could not now imagine being without.

Amazing how clear everything became in a fight to the death, Clarke thought as she moved among the trees, coming back to the present. How all the thoughts and worries could become so inconsequential as to mean nothing at all. Maybe that was why they fought, she philosophized. So that they could really understand the meaning of life. For the first time Clarke felt that she could actually grasp what Lexa had tried to teach her about her people.

The world need her, she decided in that moment as she felt her body crash to the ground and roll away from both her sword and the dead man, I need her.

Later, after the war was over, when Clarke had a moment to herself to think back to that first kill, she could not find it inside herself to regret killing a man she knew nothing about. He could have had children, he could have just been trying to save his own people. But all Clarke could focus upon was the fact that Lexa had survived, Lexa was alive.

I killed him. And yes, it hurt that she could do something like that when all her life she had been taught that all life was sacred, no one was disposable.

But her heart could not regret it when what she got from it was a gift beyond price. Lexa was alive.

Lexa, her warrior commander, the stubborn, stoic, young woman with a heart as big as the sun, Lexa was alive. The young woman who had whirled her way so deep inside Clarke, she could not see where she began and Lexa started, all she could feel was the completion of her soul. Finally.

But all this soul searching was not helping her with her current predicament.

I probably need to talk to someone about this. Preferably someone who knows and who has been through it themselves. So not one of my people then. Maybe Lincoln… Yeah, he was her second best choice. Basically the only one she really trusted from the TreeKru, besides Lexa. The commander however, had been summoned back to their capitol right after the war and had now been gone two weeks. Strange, to think of someone summoning Lexa, Clarke smiled to herself. I can just see her now, reading the message: lips pursed, eyebrows furrowed, the muscles in her jaw moving. No, she had not been happy to read it as she told Clarke quickly right before she left.

"I do not know how long I will be away, Clarke, but when I come back we will talk about us. If you still want to that is," and Lexa had suddenly seemed smaller, hesitant and almost afraid. As if she worried what Clarke might say, steeling herself for a blow that would surely hurt. How can she not know, Clarke wondered. Taking the commanders hands in her own, Clarke reassured her:

"When you come back, I will be here waiting. Wanting this, wanting you," they both smiled.

"So hurry back, commander of my heart," Clarke leaned in and kissed her, this time deciding to be the one to take charge because the woman in front of her seemed to need it, needed her reassurance, needed Clarke to show her that she wanted her, needed her right back.

After a few very enjoyable kisses, Lexa leaned back, cheeks suddenly red but a definite smile on her beautiful face.

"There is no need to become maudlin, Clarke Kom SkiKru, I shall not be gone so long." Despite the frivolous tone Clarke knew her nickname for the commander was well appreciated.

And all too soon she was gone, donning her armor and riding away without a backwards glance, leaving Clarke with her thoughts and the project of re-building of TonDC.

I wonder when she´ll be back. And what she´s doing. And why. She could have at least sent a note back, Clarke thought sourly. Leaving me to deal with Indra, for crying out loud! The woman had been nothing but courteous the entire time. Short, to the point, an almost sneer always present reminding Clarke that she did not approve of her, but always courteous. Lexa probably ordered her to. Still, as a team they worked efficiently and soon had TonDC up and running as usual again. Any mentioning of Lexa and her whereabouts however shut Indra up. In the beginning Clarke found this highly upsetting but seeing as nothing worked on changing the stubborn woman, honestly, are all the TreeKru like this, Clarke soon found ways to use it to get her will across, or to get the woman to leave her alone, amusing herself with how many times a day she could ask Indra about Lexa before the other woman cracked under pressure.

So far no good. Damn women and their stubborn nature!

Coming back to the present Clarke wondered when her body had decided to willfully ignore her inner commandments of staying by her village, because she was now well on her way to TonDC.

"Ah well, I was working up the courage to head that way anyways," she spoke aloud to the lightening dawn. Having not been back there for almost a week, Clarke was dreading going there as she never got used to being around the TreeKru without Lexa close by. Mostly because she didn't want to get used to it, it seemed wrong somehow, without her.

"God, am I a sap or what! I may as well carry a sign around saying that I am madly in love and would someone please put me out of my misery before I drive myself and other people crazy." She shook her head, disgusted at herself and her apparent inability to go more than a minute without thinking about her precious commander.

"Thinking, visualizing, wishing, hoping, dreaming. When is that damn woman coming back and what is taking her so bloody long?"

Taking a few calming breaths she kept on walking and decided to focus on things other than cute commanders. What to say to Lincoln without him thinking that I´ve finally lost it.

All too soon she found the entrance to the village and she walked slower, not really wanting to be there.

Finding the place in an uproar, and at this time of day, Clarke wondered what was going on and soon found out when Octavia saw her and grinning like a mad woman she slapped Clarke on the shoulder.

"Just in time, Clarke, how did you know, did she tell you, cause we were all kept in the dark and Indra was not too happy about that, needless to say. You might wanna keep your head down around her the next few hours, she tends to spit when she talks now, not pretty, and seeing as you two are not the best of friends on her good days.." Octavia warned Clarke and laughed at her own joke. Indra having good days, hah!

She has good days? Huh, could have fooled me, Clarke thought.

"What`s going on, Octavia? Who would tell me what?" Octavia frowned at her.

"Are you having me on? Why else would you be here now?" Looking at Clarke Octavia realized that she was serious. Oh man, this is gonna be good, she told herself.

"The Commander is on her way back now, she should be here any minute now actually," her heart melting a bit at the way Clarke and her whole being lightening up.

"For real, Octavia? Lexa is coming back? Now?" Not daring to hope that it was true, it couldn't be. Could it? Seeing one of her best friends give her an affirmative nod, Clarke felt her whole face crack up into a huge smile.

"Really?"

"Really. I thought that was why you were here now, it seemed too much of a coincidence. You really had no idea? Wow, talk about timing, girl," she slapped her friend on her shoulder again and pushed her towards the commanders tent.

"You might wanna clean her place up a bit maybe, keep yourself busy until she gets here, yes?" Seeing Indra heading their way Octavia figured it was best to get Clarke out of the way and away from the First and her obvious ire.

"Good point" Clarke nodded and walked away as if in a trance, still with that goofy smile on her face. Octavia shook her head and laughed. Thank the gods I am not a sappy hapless prisoner of love. Lincoln would laugh so hard!

Entering the tent Clarke just stood there looking at first. This was the first time she was inside it since Lexa left and she hugged herself.

"Are you really coming back," she asked softly, not daring to hope, but not being able to stop smiling either.

"Productive action required, Clarke, she is not going to come any sooner with you just standing here looking like a fool." So she started cleaning. Two minutes later she was finished and rather grouchy. Why can´t she be more messy, it would certainly help right now. Folding a pair of pants and laying them by the bed Clarke suddenly heard a commotion and knew that Lexa had entered the camp.

Should I stay or should I go outside with the others? Deciding to stay as she didn´t want anyone interrupting their time together.

It took a few minutes and Clarke was wondering about her inability to find the words to say when suddenly there she was. Lexa, in all her glory, and Clarke smiled again. Her war paint missing from her face, a small smile gracing her lips.

"Clarke, are you," was all the commander got out before she saw her.

At first they just stood there smiling at each other like two teenagers in love.

Lexa made the first move, she quickly walked over to Clarke and put her hands around her beautiful, smiling woman.

"You are here. They said you were waiting." Seeing tears running down her golden haired beauty, Lexa frowned.

"Why are you crying," she asked and kissed both cheeks to remove the tears. Clarke softly shook her head and covered Lexas hands with her own.

"They are happy tears, Lexa," she smiled.

"You are finally here, it feels like years since I last saw you," she felt her tears keep on running and apologized for being a maudlin sap.

"There is no need to apologize, Clarke, I have missed you as well. You were always in my thoughts and the journey to and from Polis have never been longer. I need to apologize however, for the long wait I put you through. It was never my intention to remain away for so long, but politics and warring tribes kept me busy. I wanted to send a note but I could not find the words, I do however have something else for you that I wish you accept." Lexa smiled and Clarke laughed through her tears at her obvious joy. How I ever thought that Lexa couldn't smile or that she didn't have an emotional bone in her body, how wrong I was. Thankfully! Holding on to each other's hand Lexa led the way and sat Clarke down on a pair of animal skins obviously operating as a sofa of some kind.

"Wait here, I have to get my bag," Lexa did not explain that in her haste to find Clarke she had left everything on her horse. Hell, she had even left her horse just standing outside, not wanting to wait another minute to see the woman she had dreamt of every night and day for two agonizing long weeks, so when someone, she could not recall who, had said that Clarke was waiting in her tent, Lexa had jumped off her horse and walked quickly inside.

The good thing about being the Commander, she decided, was that no one had the guts to call her on her all too obvious affection for the SkiKru leader. The only one smiling too widely was Octavia.

"Here are your bags, Heda, and I shall care for your horse, you go on back to your tent, I am sure the journey has been hard and you wish to relax," finding no fault in her words, Lexa accepted the bags and decided to pay the girl back some other time. Now however, she was too busy to care about disrespecting warriors so she nodded curtly and walked hurriedly back.

Finding Clarke were she left her, Lexa couldn't keep her smile away so she let it fill her face and decided once and for all that around this one she would let all her emotions show, Clarke was too important to keep up a façade of being in total control of herself. Because Clarke did that to her, wanted her to be happy and to show it.

Sitting down next to Clarke she took one of her hands and told her to close her eyes.

Clarke felt a package being put in her hand and she opened her eyes again, grinning like a goof but unable to help herself, Lexa inspired her head to send out chemicals rushing through her body to make her feel giddy and helpless to stop it.

"You didn't have to do this, Lexa. I am more than happy to have you back again, and I didn't get you anything," Lexa stopped her before she could get going.

"I wanted to, Clarke, to show you how much I missed you. And you need not give me anything back, that is not the purpose of a gift, no? Freely given, there will never be any talk of owing or paying back. Agreed?" Clarke nodded and wondered at her luck in finding this perfect woman.

Opening the gift she discovered that Lexa had given her several books.

"Thank you, I love them!" And she did, having a love of books and not understanding how Lexa could have known about that.

"How did you know," she asked and opened one of them to get a glance at the gift from a past she and her people had not seen for almost a century.

"You cannot know all, Clarke, I must have some secrets," Lexa said and thought back to her endless walks around Polis, needing to find just the perfect gift but having no idea what that could be so she sat down and pictured Clarke up on the Ark looking down at the Earth; what could she be wanting…when she realized that they had left in a hurry and had probably not had much time to pack the less important stuff. Less important for survival yes, but equally as important to the artist sitting in front of her.

"Are you sure I cannot persuade you to tell me, hm," Lexa wondered at the sultry tone and suddenly found it difficult to look into those expressive blue eyes.

Clarke carefully placed the books on the floor behind them and turned to look properly at Lexa. Raising a hand she caressed the beautiful girl´s face.

"Lexa," Clarke got out before her other hand found the back of Lexa´s head and gently pulled her towards herself. Closing their eyes, their lips found purchase with each other and all was well in their world again.

An unspecified amount of time later Lexa came back to her senses and found herself lying on top of Clarke. She moved them both so they were now lying next to each other, still most of their bodies touching.

"There was the matter of a certain conversation, yes? I promised you we would talk about it when I came back and now we have all the time in the world." Having told her guards that if they were disturbed that day the guard in question would find themselves banished for good. Maybe too harsh, but certainly efficient.

"True, you did say that. Though the way I see it it's probably a moot point by now, wouldn't you say" Clarke asked and pointed at their current position. Lexa laughed and agreed.

"However, there is still the matter of where we are and what to tell our people, because they will talk." Momentarily distracted my one of Clarkes hands caressing her now bare stomach, when did that happen? Anyway.

"What was I saying? Yes, Clarke. We should," her breath suddenly hitched when she felt the hand coming dangerously close to her breasts. When did she lose the upper hand in this, Lexa wondered, and had she ever had the upper hand? Finding her lips being kissed Lexa threw all caution to the wind and went with her instincts.

We come back several hours later and find the two women having moved to the bed now, Clarke with her head on top of Lexa´s chest.

"I´m sorry for interrupting you, Lexa, (not really) I just really needed to kiss you again. I did wait almost a month, remember? Okay okay, I know it wasn't a month but it felt like it." More like a year, she thought to herself and felt Lexa laugh.

"Stop apologizing, Clarke, you were right and I wanted this as much as you did, (maybe more, it was all I could think of, but I think our relationship needs only the one highly emotional being so I am not going to say that) I thought it was what you wanted to hear. Obviously you had other things in mind, however," she pointed at their naked selves and she laughed as Clarke blushed.

"Well, I, you know, some things just work themselves out, no need to talk so much, rather let our bodies talk for us." Well said, Griffin, dig a deeper hole for yourself why don't you. Lexa laughed again and it was like music to her ears, she had missed it so much. How could I miss something I have heard maybe a handful of times? Miss someone so much and having known her for less than a month. Strange. Real though.

"We must decide how to tell people."

"Why? They will find out soon enough, with the way I seem to be unable to keep my hands away from you, its highly unlikely that this will stay hidden for long, don't you agree?"

"There is that, yes." Lexa looked proud at herself and Clarke smiled inwardly.

"However. Us being leaders, we must have certain ground rules. My people will not look favorably upon you if you take another lover, and I assume the same applies to your people." Clarke nodded and suddenly found herself being the girlfriend without having been asked if she wanted to. Feeling miffed about that she decided to give voice to it when Lexa silenced her with a kiss.

"Clarke Kom SkiKru, will you be my mate?" Lexa asked after another highly enjoyable round of kissing.

"Damn you´re a good kisser, Lexa" Clarke exclaimed and shook her head to unscramble her few remaining brain cells.

"And can you read minds by the way? It certainly seems like that some times. But yes, Lexa of the Trigedakru, I want to be your mate. Will you be my girlfriend then?"

"Yes. And Yes, I can read minds," Lexa joked. Clarke looked miffed at this also so Lexa decided to cut back on the jokes before she found herself sleeping alone for the night. Her body shook at the thought and she quickly banished it from her system lest she invite it in to her world.

"I cannot read your mind, Clarke, but I can read your body most of the time, and especially your eyes, they are really expressive. Deep blue like the ocean when the setting suns last rays hit it." Clarke felt as if she was drowning in giddy bubbles and she threw herself on top of Lexa and proceeded to rain kisses all over her.

After a long, comfortable and loving day, the newly made couple fell asleep in each other's arms.

Less than thirty minutes later however, Clarke again woke up when she felt her body started to vibrate. Lexa must have felt it too, because she opened her eyes and frowned when she looked at her mate.

"Clarke, what is it? Did you have a bad dream?"

"No. I don't know what`s wrong with me." She sat up and hugged her knees to her chest. Lexa rose and held her.

"I need more information, Clarke."

"I don't know how to explain it. When I fall asleep I start seeing colors swirling around my eyes, and I hear noises inside my head, and my body vibrates. Gods, am I going crazy?" She stood up and started walking around. Naked, Lexa noticed. That is one hot damn fine woman, she thought and scrambled out of bed. Quickly reaching her girlfriend, she led her back to bed.

"Clarke, what you are experiencing is quite normal," she started and almost laughed at the incredulous look she was given.

"Hear me out. It happens. For some they are born with the ability while most others have to have it awakened by someone else. What you are experiencing is known among my people as soul travelling. Your body sleeps while your soul travels among the countless universes. Have you never felt it before?" Clarke shook her head no.

"I see. You must have met someone recently who awakened this in you. In the beginning you will probably not remember your travels, but I can teach you ways to start being more aware of your body and your soul so that next time it happens it will not be so scary." The golden haired woman looked reassured and a half smile was playing on her lips.

"I am normal then?"

"Yes. Well, as normal as you can get having fell from the sky. Are you an angel, Clarke of the SkiKru," Lexa joked again and was handsomely rewarded when her mate sat on top of her and started kissing her face.

Ah, life is good!


End file.
